Jordan Peterson writes in his book "We Who Wrestle With God":
“Both our misery and joy depends on our values. We aim at the upward target we deem central, however momentary. When we describe the aims of a person or a people — their pathway forward, the obstacles and opportunities that emerge on that journey — we see the world in relationship to aim.”
This insight is not just philosophical; it’s profoundly practical. As coaches, we see every day how values shape lives.
They are the compass that determines whether a person feels lost or aligned, miserable or joyful. Coaching is, at its heart, about helping people wrestle with values, clarify aims, and walk their pathway with courage.
1. Values as Compass
Values are not abstract ideals pinned to a wall. They are the living coordinates of our daily choices. When someone’s values are clear, decisions flow with integrity. When values are ignored, misery creeps in.
Think of the entrepreneur who values freedom but builds a business that chains them to endless hours.
Or the parent who values presence but lets work consume every evening.
Misery is not random; it is the signal of misalignment.
Joy, likewise, is the resonance of living in tune with what matters most.
As coaches, we help clients uncover these coordinates. We ask: What do you truly value? What lights your lantern?
2. The Upward Target
Peterson’s phrase “upward target” is a powerful metaphor.
Every person aims at something: success, security, belonging, impact. The upward target is the central aim that gives meaning to the struggle.
The danger lies in momentary aims: chasing likes, quick wins, or shallow recognition.
These distract from the deeper target. Coaching invites clients to lift their gaze, to aim upward at what sustains them beyond the moment.
When the aim is clear, even obstacles become meaningful.
A runner aiming for health sees the rain as training, not punishment.
A writer aiming for truth sees rejection as refinement, not failure.
3. Pathways, Obstacles, and Opportunities
Every aim creates a pathway forward. The moment you declare your values, the world rearranges itself into obstacles and opportunities.
- Obstacles are not signs to quit; they are tests of alignment. If the aim is shallow, obstacles feel unbearable. If the aim is deep, obstacles become part of the story.
- Opportunities appear when values are clear. Doors open that were invisible before. A coach who values belonging suddenly notices communities waiting to be built.
Coaching reframes both obstacles and opportunities. We help clients see the pathway is not smooth, but it is theirs.
4. Seeing the World in Relationship to Aim
Peterson reminds us: we don’t see the world neutrally. We see it through the lens of our aim.
- Someone aiming for security sees risks everywhere.
- Someone aiming for growth sees possibilities everywhere.
- Someone aiming for belonging sees connections everywhere.
The coach’s role is to help clients adjust the lens. Sometimes the aim is too narrow, and the world looks hostile. Sometimes the aim is too vague, and the world looks meaningless. By clarifying values and aims, we change perception itself.
5. The Coach’s Role in Wrestling
Coaching is not about handing out answers. It is about wrestling alongside the client.
We ask: What do you value? What is your upward target? How do you see the world?
We listen for the signals of misery and joy. We honor both, because they reveal alignment or misalignment.
This wrestling is sacred work. It acknowledges that growth is not linear, that values shift, and that aims evolve.
The coach is not a judge but a companion, holding lanterns along the way.
6. Practical Applications
How does this philosophy translate into practice?
- The Discovery Call: This is not just a sales step. It is a safe space to test resonance, where values surface and aims are named.
- Belonging: Community accelerates growth. Shared values create trust, and trust creates courage. Belonging turns coaching into more than a transaction; it becomes a journey of connection.
- Daily Practice: Journaling, reflection, or rituals keep values visible. A lantern lit each day reminds the client of their upward target.
Even festive traditions — like your Christmas gifts campaign — can embody this. Each ball unlocks a gift, each gift a lantern illuminating values and aims.
7. Wrestling in the Valley
At The Coach Valley, we see coaching as a living tradition. It is not about quick fixes but about lanterns lit along the path.
- We wrestle with values because they matter.
- We aim upward because meaning matters.
- We walk pathways because growth matters.
Every obstacle is a chance to deepen alignment. Every opportunity is a chance to embody values.
Misery and joy depend on values.
Peterson’s insight rings true: misery and joy depend on values. Coaching is about helping people aim upward, walk their pathway, and see the world through a lens of possibility.
The challenge and opportunity of 2026 and beyond is clear: to build spaces where information is valued, where stories are shared, and where growth feels authentic.
So I leave you with this question: What is your upward target, and how will you wrestle with it in the year ahead?
